The Totarians tend to be an imposing race, frequently reducing many in your position to stutters and stammers. While it is common in your culture to imagine intimidating people naked, this is a tact that is not advised. Considering the multitude of glaring, shouting faces that cover the body of a Totarian citizen, imagining them in even more clothes will be far more appropriate and better for your mental health.

The Ickerlarians have a tendency to carry on conversations with the evening meals, as it is often sentient, alive, and has been raised with the expectation that it will be eaten from birth. The Ickerlarians believe that “you are what you eat,� and as such, these dinners are some the galaxies most-thought provoking philosophers and conversationlists. They will not refuse you request for a non-speaking meal, but you will be missing out on a fear for the mind as well as the stomach.

If any of the Cheerion Royal Family happen to catch fire in your presence, do not be alarmed, as spontaneous combustion is quite common among the upper classes.

However, expend caution, as it is known to be contagious.

As a courtesy, Sioban, a high ranking member of the Mencheif may offer to lay eggs in your abdomen. As they will not hatch before you plan to leave the planet and considering you are next to be among the Cheerion Royal family—who will not take kindly to you giving birth in the middle of diplomatic relations—it is suggested that you decline such a request. No matter how seductively Sioban waves her impregnating tentacles.

When dealing with the gaseous Wedfragh, bring you own air supply, rather than the standard oxygen filter you have used on other worlds. Accidentally getting their grand Vizer caught in your breathing apparatus is not a political faux-pas you can recover from.

Nor the grand Vizer, really.

Before talks begin with the Ethelshinn, you will be expected to sacrifice one of two sacred animals. Despite how theatening the Nastenizer looks, choose it. Though it will out weigh you by a good hundred pounds, you have a better chance of defeating it in ritualistic combat.

You just don't have the grip to handel a Fluffian Cutesy-wootzer.

Being unable to speak through yeast, communication with the Drix is going to be difficult at best. I suggest not showering before the metting, in the hopes that you will be carrying enough organisms in order to say "Hello." You may also wish to bring along some freashly baked bread, in the hopes that it will speak highly of you.

The Pickaderians are extremely sesitive to symbols, so avoid actively making a cross, circle, cross-in-a-circle, square, square-in-a-circle, circle-in-a-square, cross-in-a-square or a cross-in-a-circle-in-a-square with your hands, feet or silverware, as these are all thought to be bad omen buy these highly superstitous people. Despite these precautions, you may find one or all of these symbols appearing in your gravy at dinner. Pay it no mind, as the Pickaderians can only eat with their eyes closed. Just be sure you plate is clean after desert. It is suggested to bring Professor Snugglesworth, the ship's terrier, along for this purpose.

The Sepch exist as a hive mind, and have a surprisingly short life span, so do not be alarmed when one expires in mid-sentence only ot have it's conversation finished by whomever is closest. The prime minister will die and be succeeded no less than twenty-five times during your visit, and it is really not nessary to offer your condolences each time.
After the first ten, it is understood.
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Feel Free to imbibe the Curicons' alchohol, as it will be the local delicacy you body is able to process. There is a probably side-effect of inertia, so be sure to take along a ship's communicator so that you can alert your crew when you are unable to move under your own power.

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When dealing with the Sinseslions, keep your replies down to simple, one-syllable phrases, as they believe verbal communication to be a waste of breath that should be used for action. Carry along a hatchet, so that when you are moved to speak at length, you can instead hack at the "diatribe post," a wooden column they have erected so that foreign dignitaries and poets can "get the words out of their system."

The Barberzan prize physical attractiveness above all else, though their definition of attractive tends to lean toward bulbous spherical shapes and copious amounts of body fat. While artificially increasing your girth is not recommended – the Barberzen have no tolerance for “fake fatties� – do go for second and third helpings at the buffet table. They will appreciate this show of effort.

Considering all eventual possibilities, the implications inherent in various outcomes, the eventual bloodshed, tyranny and genocide should the slightest misstep be perceived, the slightest affront be broached, only one conclusion can be reached. And while this act may be seen as humiliating, barbaric and distasteful, I feel that for the good of your safety as well as the safety of your planet and your people it is in your best interests to and although I am hesitant to suggest, let the Wookie win.

Later today, when the widow Echling of Umuria, extends a tentacle up your thigh during tea, merely give it a forceful yet light tap in order to give her the right idea. If the Widows snakings continue, merely give the tentacle a sharp tug, and it should come off in your hand. Feel free to keep it as a keepsake, as the widow will undoubtedly suggest.

However, should you find such attention desirable, by all means let nature take its course.

When facing the Acherans of Omni Ceta, remember that dignity is regainable, wealth is by its very nature fleeting, and that effective prosthesis for major extremities are all available to you.

I say this only to give you a sense of perspective.

Do not be put off by the Grenglin Flechs' declarations of the immanent conquest of Earth. The culture of Grenglin Fletch contains a concept of manifest destiny of an impossible scope and scale. Every planet is viewed in terms of eventual acquisition, and colloquialisms such as “When we make your planet our plaything: and: When you and yours are slaves wiping up my slime trail� should be taken with a grain of salt. Though you should stay away from salt in general as it is caustic to the Grenglin Fletch physiology. If things get difficult, compliment the host on his eye-stalks.

Despite your infection from Ragzorn, you will not be immediately labeled "unclean" in the court of the Kookookera Regency, as long as you provide enough celery stalks segments for everyone. The court will be pleased by these small duplicates of their own physiology.

However, you will want to resist the temptation to dress them up in little robes. The robes are sacred, and reproductions are thought of as profane, insensitive, and more than a little silly.

Stay away from Ragzorn’s beard.

There are things in there.

Horrible things.

Try not to flinch as Babbkavetra the 498th bites the head off one of her small children, and offers you the headless, oozing corpse. When she makes the remark "Don't worry, I got plenty more at home," laugh politely and claim to be on a diet.

Pheleen Oliblahn Harge will be a gracious host this evening, providing you with food and drink that will appear to be familiar. However, it will not, in fact, be edible.

Not to worry, as Pheleen will provide not only a stomach pump, but will also lance the peculiar boils that form later in the evening, even after you refer to her living sofa as a "harlot," and "not to be trusted."

I suggest sending her a thank-you card before we leave orbit.

The Gangor may appear to be fearsome with their gargantuan maws of sharpened teeth, , but rest assured in the knowledge that these are affectations. They are not unlike a general's medals or a cashmere sweater on your world, if the cashmere sweater in question would bite your head off at the slightest display of fear, surprise, melancholie or indigestion.

Do not let that last concern put you off breakfast; competing in the ceremonial feats of strength will be hard enough without doing it on an empty stomach.

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